So I did a little digging in this blog of mine because I was curious on how many year-ender/ new-year posts I’ve already written. Apparently, this will be the 4th of its kind. I started at the end of 2010 and gosh, time flies so fast. In a way, I have found it comforting that I have been able to continue this tradition of mine. I believe that in this point in my life, this is the only time of the year when I can go to the recesses of my mind and actually contemplate on everything that has happened to me in the past year. I have said my thank you’s at the beginning of the year. Now I think I owe it to myself to share what I missed sharing here.
I turned 20 this year.
I turned 20 and this was probably the saddest birthday I’ve ever celebrated. I did have fun celebrating with my friends, no doubt. I just couldn’t shake off the fact that coming home on your birthday, expecting the same warm greetings was just not there. Mom and I weren’t talking that week and it added to the already present tension at home. I blew my candles with a fake smile that night partly wishing I came home later when everybody just gave up on waiting went to sleep. But that was just my birthday.
It was the things after turning 20 that were exciting.
I almost failed a subject this year.
It killed me that I was dooming myself to a failure seeing the horrible quiz scores and less than mediocre overall performance I was doing in one of my Electronics subjects. I was so relieved, though, when the miracle of incentives and being an active officer of my course’s organization helped me get through it. Never again am I going to play that close with 0.0.
I got sick more times this year than the last.
It was all on stress. Blame it all on stress. In a way, it gave me a few days this year to calm down and reassess what I was doing wrong in my lifestyle. Well, I learned that sleep is valuable and I must bring back my healthy sleeping rhythm once more. I also figured out how much my parents care because I saw the worry in their eyes and I admit that I enjoyed seeing it. I know it sounds cruel but sometimes even if you know they care, it is comforting to actually see that they do. However, I do hope that in 2014 I won’t get sick anymore. It can be tiring.
My thoughts on love and marriage have been totally challenged.
I’ll have you know that I finally saw that grey area between right and wrong. It is frustrating! To have always been taught black and white and then grey comes into the picture and you become confused. I know that people have the tendency to say one thing but to the next. However, in the case where I think too highly of marriage and everything that comes with it, saying one thing but doing what has always been deemed as wrong – even more consenting to it, has got me, dare I say it, mindfucked. Even if it is not my business, I still do not know what to make of the issue. But this is for certain; Love and Marriage do not always come hand in hand. In my future, however, I want them to come hand in hand.
On other news, I’ll have you know that at one point of this year, I was pathetic enough to cry over someone and blame it on a dog that was once mine. Then I learned that it was better letting go of the feeling without even letting the person concerned know. But, all my friends know. I felt better.
I finally gave in and drank beer.
Now, I do recall that I swore I would never drink beer because it tastes disgusting. It still does especially without ice but it’s one of those things that seem to taste a little better as you age. It’s like ampalaya. Bitter and disgusting but as you age, you seem to just eat it and it tastes better than what you remember. Only with ampalaya, it has health benefits. With beer, I don’t really see the advantage besides the newfound confidence to babble when I’ve drank some. I’ll make it a point to only have it on special occasions because the bloated tummy and skin rash is totally not worth it.
Cooking, instead of eating, has become my de-stressing activity
Ever since Christmas break started, I have been spending my time applying for an OJT, catching up on my favourite series or cooking. I can say that I make pretty wicked salsa and Dad has given his ‘Namit’ (delicious) on the Nachos I prepared a few days back. Most of the meals for tonight’s Media Noche, it was prepared by yours truly. Now, I don’t see myself taking up any formal cooking lessons, yet. I’m still enjoying experimenting on my own. My hands still smell like garlic, by the way.
Looking back on what I have written, that’s not even half of what I went through this year. There were many good times, boring times and very busy times. I have less than a year left in college and I have yet to be certain what I am to do after. I am certain, though, that I will finish school. In the meantime, I only have two New Year’s Resolutions.
The first one is that I should get in touch with my emotional side once more. I realized just last night that I have found it extremely hard to write my genuine thoughts on things because I have been squashing them on the back of my mind, always finding an excuse to do so. No, not anymore, if this goes on, I’m scared that my writing may go away with it. I must practice being honest with my feelings to myself and to others no matter how pathetic I will seem.
The second is that I should be more religious with exercising. For the last leg of the year, I have been forgoing working out because of all the school work. This year, I must find a way to once again bring back that drive and enthusiasm of being all sweaty and full of energy early in the morning.
That was my Lookback in 2013. Enjoy the gallery below. 🙂