4 Years of blogging and a few more weeks of intense stress

I was surprised with an alert from WordPress greeting me a ‘Happy Anniversary.’ Apparently, I’ve been a WordPress blogger for 4 years now. I’d like to thank all my followers, friends, and all those who like, comment, read and simply visit the site even if I’ve been really poor in updating. You see, I’m in a poor state.

If you’ve been an avid reader (Haha, I’d like to assume I have avid readers), you’d remember one of my previous posts about my ‘less than mediocre performance.’ Well, less than mediocre has quite been the theme for me this term. Something has gone wrong with me and I’m still trying to figure out what it is. I’ve practically cut down on Facebook and Twitter. Actually, I’m avoiding it. The only time I open it is when I have to upload our written reports or check for news on our projects. I’ve learned that staying online stresses me to the point that I become unproductive at all. But that’s not all, after cutting down on online social networking, my performance hasn’t gone back to its usual.

My grades have not been good that I need to do extremely well in my finals (especially that subject) to pass. I can’t believe that I’ve allowed it to happen. As much as I would love to blame it on the lack of sleep and always coming home late, I can’t. All I’ve been trying to tell myself is do better do better and then that tiny twinge of doubt ruins everything. I’ve been doubting myself (and even other people) alot nowadays. I’ve been very temperamental. I’ve been avoiding my friends (na nagtatampo na sakin ngayon). I laugh less. I cry before I sleep. I even find it hard to fall asleep. It’s in those moments when my mind is at peace when the weight of all the awaiting workload comes crashing and my mind starts racing, my heart pounds and rest escapes through the window.

Just a few more weeks. Few more. I need to pass, I have to pass all my subjects. The earlier I finish school, the better.

 

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