I Hate Regret and What Ifs

I regret talking in front of the cast yesterday. I regret getting pulled down by the expressions on their faces. I wanted it to continue but I was having doubts because the mass reaction I was receiving was disheartening. That probably was the biggest mistake I’ve ever done. Why? Because my role was to motivate. My initial plan was to motivate. But it all turned around once I started opening my mouth. It was as if all the wrong words were said.

And it was unfair. ‘Coz I did it when we weren’t even complete. And I partially made it an excuse to make me feel like there’s no hope. I feel shitty right now. I should have been a little more positive.

I was tossing and turning last night. And I kept thinking of the what ifs. And what’s worse was that I realized those what ifs were still possible to reach. And it were only possible to reach if only everybody were willing to continue it again and forget what happened last friday.

It’s gonna take a really big push to boost it up. But if it means having to beat the regret out and the what ifs floating in my head. Then I should be willing to take the risk of standing once again in front of everybody. AS IN COMPLETE NA DAPAT ANG STAFF KO, ANG CAST. At hindi na dapat ako magpadala sa doubt. Leche. Magmotivate. To Motivate. I should motivate. I shouldn’t be the one motivated to stop.

Bahala na kung sabihin nila na papalit palit ang isip ko. Hindi naman talaga pumalit isip ko e. Gusto ko talaga ituloy tong batch prod. Tinanong ko lang naman sila, kayo. Marami ang naghindi. 2 beses pa. Nabigla na naman ako, nagpadala. Gaga.

Itatama ko to kasi it all feels wrong na hindi to itutuloy.

…To be continued.


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