Jaded

Man, I’m tired. Exhausted. Bushed. Jaded per se. I feel so down right now that it took me a Musketeers bar and almost half of Hershey’s Symphony Chocolate bar to have me last this long. The stress is literally killing me and I don’t know how I’m going to last up until graduation. I still have my hopes and dreams, you know. And, I’m not the type that’s gonna let it just crash and burn.

Anyway, I got myself thinking again after Micha and I had one of those heart to heart talks that we now rarely have. I had myself wondering why we all had to labor like cows plowing the field all day under the scorching sun, why we all had to come home always exhausted as if our souls have been forcefully sucked out of us, why we had piled up activities, why we had to sleep less than 7 hours every night, why we had to always run after time like today was the last day of our lives.

Miserable as it seems, it somehow summarizes my senior year in high school. Despite the fun and good times spent with my friends and classmates, it seemed as if I always had a price to pay for that fun and that was to work up a sweat and shed blood more than what was allowable.

Why am I dwelling on the negative? Well, having it bottled up for too long can be tiring. Although I do get to talk about it with my friends in school, there’s always this pained nagging feeling creeping up my stomach. Trying to forget about it is even more tiring because I would have to look for ways on forgetting about it and that leads to more stress. I like to take on lots of work when I want to avoid events, situations or plainly the other things I’ve pledged my commitment to. Kinda sucks, really.

And I cannot wait for Graduation Day. Because I really want to take a really long break from any kinds of productions. I want to be the spectator right now. The one at the sidelines observing. The one just enjoying what is presented.

I’m currently in a state called the ‘burn-out.’ And I still haven’t seen my DLSU result.

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