When Thoughts Don’t Turn Out

What happens when your thoughts don’t turn out the way you thought it would?

You’d feel like you’ve just been bitch-slapped.

You’d be embarrassed.

You’d feel stupid, stressed and tired.

And it’ll just irritate the hell out of you.

I thought that today would be one of those that I’d get to smile about before going to sleep. Guess not. It would have been, if I wasn’t the type who gave a damn about the world. But I am. It’s a commitment I’ve made once I officially became a writer.

Starting with the less significant. I’m pikon and paranoid. It irks me to have that attribute. It makes me think too much. It’s the reason why I like to build walls between people whom I know I should trust the most. It’s what makes me tulala because I give too much attention with the less significant or the things that I shouldn’t meddle with.

Then comes the significant. My mom’s been sending her dagger glares everywhere since she fetched me at school. I’ve been asking her what’s wrong and she did tell me that it was about the new ‘relative’ living with us, her boss, her work and mainly the new creature here.

So this guy with the name Ian is said to be our relative. I’ve seen the birth certificate. It’s beside me right now, and he is, a Mediodia. 17 turning 18 in the next few months. Probably the only thing I know about the creature that isn’t seen. Besides that, what I know is the guy practically is a paid freeloader snoozing the whole day at my yaya’s former bedroom. I emphasize that he is paid. He should be paid to help out but it turns out that he’s paid to sleep at my yaya’s decker, eat food my parents work hard for and act like how men naturally are… lazy.

You see, my mom’s practically angered by the injustice currently happening. Tried telling her to scold the creature but she said it would be of no use. And now she’s acting like everything should go to hell. If you were in my place, and in the same room as her, you would just feel the heat she’s emanating you’d think that she was angry enough to kill you with one of her looks. Hey, I’m not painting a horrible picture of my mom here. I’m just pointing out how men bring stress to the lives of women.

If you’ve noticed, I’m currently hating males right now. Mother can be influential. Well, duh, if it weren’t for the creature being more productive while being a freeloader, I might have been happily writing a short story, making tetra garbage dresses or sleeping. But no. The creature had to make every wrong move listed in my mom’s unwritten house code.

When I thought that I’d be waking up becoming a better person tomorrow. *sigh* I thought that the eve before birthdays should be those mellow happy ones. I’m practically disturbed. And paranoid. And confused. Stressed. Irritated. It seems that even the events in school became one whole pile of BS.

And there’s this other thing. I feel like a mess and it’s still Tuesday. I’m feeling the need of breaking something for punching someone. I feel like a wreck whose tulala most of the time. Sometimes, I would love to detach myself from everyone and just stand there, alone, and keep still on my own while watching everyone else leave. But it never happens. ‘Coz I don’t make it happen and a huge part of me doesn’t want to.

Yeah, so to all the friends reading out there. Drop a ‘hey there’ comment, if you may. Probably make me feel better. Or inspire me to be a little more optimistic just for a good 24 hours and find a way to make my thoughts turn out the way they should be. Pray that tomorrow would be better for everybody.

Thanks for reading.

2 thoughts on “When Thoughts Don’t Turn Out”

  1. ALEC! It’s okay! I love you! More than anyone! :)) And more importantly, IT loves you too! More than me! Just remember IT LOVES YOU!!!

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